Monday, September 12, 2011

9-12-11

Depression is stasis.  I don't feel like working (in or out).  I feel like falling down the lonely left; loser that I am.  If I feel this way after a round, then I will go and do what I feel is my calling.
I gave a stripper a 20 and she got mad at me.  Perhaps she thought I wanted more than just to watch her dance.  She did not realize that money means little to me.  Perhaps I did want to get to know her.  I think she called herself 'Destiny'.  She worked out and had muscles.  I thought she was attractive
The world rolls over me with a steam roller flattening me out.  So cars can drive over me.  I am impotent.  My anger is an importance.  I steals in and possesses me, then leaves.  I am helpless.  I am no savior; I am nobody.
To be or not to be..........If I am nothing, it is no crime to take my leave of this place, where fuck is dirty but kill is OK.  will I stall further or else.  It is fear that keeps me here.

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